Here are 15 red flags to look out for when trying to select your husband-to-be from Grindr.
1. He Looks Like He Came From an Abercrombie Catalog
If his photo looks like it came out of a catalog or a modeling portfolio, it probably did. If he wanted to be even more ratchet, he probably Googled "hot hunky selfies" and picked one. If you want to know if it's really him, ask him to send you a picture with him holding a piece of paper with a special note on it.
2. Friend Zoned
You want to avoid this if you can. Look out for signs such as him talking about getting friend zoned, he talks about other guys friend zoning him, he says he's a nice guy but then says thinks that nice guys finish last, or thinks that attractive guys only date jerks. He pretty much can't handle rejection and you're looking at a potential shit-storm when things go sour.
3. He moves faster than Speedy Gonzalez.
If he is already telling you that you two are soulmates and he declares his undying love for you within 24 hours of the first conversation, ABORT! ABORT! He is probably desperate and desperate for a reason.
4. Icksnay On The Ramadray
If he says that he specifically doesn't like drama and/or tries to avoid it, chances are is that his life is FULL of drama to the point where he feels the need to tell you he avoids it. He probably lacks self-awareness and thinks the drama is everyone's fault but his own.
5. Not Like Other Guys
If he says he isn't like other guys, that's actually a bad thing, believe it or not. They probably have problems to work out before getting into a long-term relationship with you. He is probably more like the rest of the population than he thinks. Do you really wanna date someone that doesn't like other people in general?
6. List of Must-Haves
If you don't think 95% of the guys on Grindr post these lists on their profile, then you should stop reading right here. You damn well know almost every profile says "masc for masc only," "only into fit guys" etc. It's okay to have standards and preferences, but if he has a checklist, back up. He will eventually find your flaws and let you know about them.
7. Sexual Innuendos
We all know Grindr is infamous for hookups and sexting and the like. If you're not on there trying to find the fuck for the night, or the new flavor of the week, then avoid conversations with people that start off with sexual innuendos.
8. Sending Nudes
Just reread number 7. This pretty much applies to pictures. If he asks to exchange pics way too early on in the game, just throw in the towel and keep playing. NEXT!
9. He's A Gray Raincloud
If he is overly negative, avoid him. You don't want a David Downer in your life do you? The answer should be no to that question. If you want positivity, you should already be following me, The Sunshine Gay. But anyway, don't let him bore you with how the world is out to get him ALL the time. He is not going to fun to be around and these people tend to twist every conversation into one that's about them.
10. Negative Space
Is his profile blank? If he doesn't list his height, he's probably short. If he doesn't list his weight, he's probably heavy. If he doesn't list his negative HIV status, he's probably poz. You get the idea. Men should be honest and forthcoming because if you meet up, you're gonna see him and that he's lying. Don't let him waste your time.
11. Vague Messages
If his messages seem short and general, he's sending it to other people and you're just part of the crowd. Also, he probably didn't take five seconds to read your profile if he talks about hooking up or friends with benefits, when your profile clearly states that you're not looking for those.
12. Wants To Meet Today
It's a red flag if he messages you and everything is going well, but then asks if you have any plans for the night because he wants to come over and cuddle. Run away! He probably isn't looking for something long term because he wants a one night stand. I bet that if you say you're busy and then message him back, he won't reply.
13. Instant Facebook Friend Request
It's okay that we all stalk everyone on Facebook before meeting them. It's a great way to perform a self background check to make sure that they are who they say they are. That said, don't accept a friend request for someone who you haven't met yet. You might as well give them your birthday, mother's maiden name, and social security number. Be safe and meet them first so they can't track you down or worse.
14. Vague Messages
It's understandable that some people prefer to remain discreet on Grindr. But if they still won't send you pictures after you have been talking, there's probably something going on there. Everyone has selfies and most have decent camera phones these days. There is no excuse. Go re-read number one then come back here.
15. Looks Too Creepy
This is where momma told you to avoid stranger danger applies. If a guy's photos look creepy, then he probably is. Trust your gut. Think of a criminal on the news, criminals generally look creepy right? It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you cautious and it can save your life. Better safe than sorry.
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